Even If It Killed Him
by LotusAndWine
Summary: First part is an angsty Jack reminiscing on stuff, and then coming to a conclusion. Second part is an angsty Will pondering things, then Jack comes, and he comes to a conclusion. Mild JackWill slash.
1. Even If It Killed Him

Even If It Killed Him

PG

Disclaimer: Hang me, for I am pirating these characters for my own manipulations. However, I do so with neither profit nor the intention to infringe upon a copyright, so please do not sue me. I am only a poor, misunderstood, gothic sophomore.

Warning: angsty, one-sided Jack/Will slash

Note: This is a small one-shot written on September 14, during a subsequent grounding and at 3:34 AM. Be Warned. I was also trying to get rid of some writers' block. Also, be aware that I am still grounded; I am only getting 2 hrs this weekend total.

*~*~*~*

Captain Jack Sparrow, with coal-colored orbs lined in kohl, interesting fashion-sense, and an eccentric personality, squinted against the sun's glare that was marring the horizon. The setting ball of fire cast a warm glow to the rolling waves and the pink clouds in the sky seemed to grin mockingly down at him.

He had gotten his beloved ship, The Black Pearl, back, but felt something was missing. Ever since he had sailed away from Port Royal, he had felt an empty void in his heart. At first, he had thought it was the loss of a lust for revenge, that having been fulfilled and over with. But he soon realized that this emptiness he felt was longing for the one who had been torn from him by the cruel hands of Fate, and was most likely happily married to his bonny lass by now. 

That was a full three months ago.

Before Fate had broken his heart, while he was still in the roof of the fort in Port Royal, after Will had saved his life; he had had his chance to tell Will how he felt. Instead, since the words refused to come, his smart-ass side had taken over, forcing him to say "Nice hat". At least it had gotten Will to smile.

The pirate had tried anything he could to keep his mind off the handsome blacksmith since then. Raiding, plundering, pillaging, pilfering, and singing had all lost some of their appeal, as each time he participated in these deeds, he always managed to wish that Will were there with him. He had even hired a few of the common whores in ports they stopped in, trying a different approach to keep his sanity.

But, alas, nothing had worked. It never did, and each night at sunset, he could be found at the helm, eyes glossed over with memories. Memories of him and Will on The Interceptor, sword fighting gleefully as the last rays of the sun kissed their weary bodies. Over that time, without quite understanding what he was feeling, he fell in love. That was why he had risked the wrath of the Heathen Gods for his sake. Subtly, of course, but it was all for Will.

Why couldn't life be easier? Jack suppressed a sigh. Aye, Will was a true pirate, though the whelp vehemently denied it, for he had stolen a fearsome and wanted man's heart without even knowing or intending to do so. That kind of talent was something Jack before had never witnessed, and the man had witnessed a lot within his thirty years. [1]

The dying light cast shadows on the shady-enough figure, who stood stock-still, the only motion being the rocking of the ship atop the rolling sea.

Right then and there, Captain Jack Sparrow made his decision. They were going to sail all the way to Port Royal, where he would win the lad's heart, even if it killed him.

*~*~*~*

[1]: This is how old I assume Jack to be. In a historical context, almost all seamen and pirates had to be relatively young - late teens to early thirties because of the physical demands. If you know how old he really is (Jack, not Johnny), go ahead and tell me and I'll change it if it fits with the story line (canon and not).

I hope that actually made some sense and wasn't just babble. Please review and tell me what you think. I'll write more if you request more, savvy? 

Oh, and please note, I am still on restriction. I just get 2 hrs total this weekend, so don't expect much. I am still writing the next chapter to both APLFM and CL.


	2. No Such Thing As Forever

No Such Thing As Forever

PG

Disclaimer: I don't own these wonderful, lovable, slashable characters with which I am writing, so please lay off on the lawsuits, as the most money you are likely to get is a measly $1.85, which is all I have left of $10 in less than half an hour.

Warning: For all you idiotic homophobic people out there, you might as well leave now, as this is Jack/Will slash. A bit hard to grasp, ain't it? *mocking smile*

Note: I am feeling quite angsty at the moment, and that's reflected in both the title, and the fic. But the ending should be sappy and all fuzzy and warm, but angst comes first.

Note 2: This is because my reviewers have waited so long, biting their nails, that I present to them the next, perhaps last, installment! Happy Thanksgiving.

*~*~*~*

It had been three months since he had left, three miserable months since he had sailed off into the horizon, never to return. And there he was, every sunset without fail, staring out past the dock, wondering what Jack was up to. Will sighed; it wasn't like Jack even cared about him, and he liked that. If Will knew that, he wouldn't be disappointed when Jack never came back for him. If that was so, then why did Will wait every evening, hoping against hope that Jack would come back? It was hopeless, and Will knew that there was no point in wishing, that he was only hurting himself in the long run.

Then why did Will tense up and grow pale whenever he caught wind of a pirate being captured? He tried to lie to himself, to make himself believe that he only cared about Jack as a brother, but that had turned out to be hopeless.

Over the past three months, even before, he had entertained thoughts about Jack that he'd only ever held for Elizabeth.

Will shook his head as yet another day's light faded below the horizon. Still, there was no sign of the _Black Pearl_, and another mundane and pointless day had gone by. Now he was going back to the smithy, where his only companion would be a mule.

As he sat up in his little loft above the fireplace, Will reflected on the chain of events that had occurred since his life and heart had been turned upside-down. 

First, when he had gotten back, he'd been informed that his mentor, Mr. Brown, was now the Late Mr. Brown. Will had pretended to be solemn, but in reality he had been resigning himself to watch the one person who he really felt kinship to die. Brown wasn't a big loss; the world was better off without the lazy waste-of-space drunk anyway.

Then, he'd been both surprised and ecstatic when he and Jack had fought with such synch, such togetherness, that he had thought that the angels in heaven must have played their lyres in blessing. Disappointment, when Jack had left without him, had nearly crushed him. But no, he hadn't let anyone else see this, especially Elizabeth.

Elizabeth, however, had sensed it, and told him that she didn't think he could be happy with her and that she would do well with Norrington.

Norrington. That name brought a snarl from him, the expression of a hatred so ingrained by now within him, out. It wasn't because Elizabeth had left him for Norrington - he'd been relieved when she had - but because of the commodore's ruthless hunting for Jack, the man who his heart had run off with. Or rather, sailed off with, if you please.

Will sighed, pulling his fingers through his hair in frustration. His every thought revolved around the amber-skinned pirate, and it was a never-ending thirst that couldn't be quenched. And he was stranded in the middle of the Sahara Desert with no canteen. The thought of never seeing Jack again was so maddening that he couldn't bare to even entertain the thought.

_Well, at least you know one thing, Willie boy,_ his mind taunted cynically, _there's no such thing as forever._ That was so true. His happiness, his innocence, his admiration and awe of Elizabeth hadn't lasted forever; they'd all died with the arrival of his onyx-eyed savior. Then, when he'd been with him, he'd known that he'd both dreaded the adventure's ending and wished for it. Those two conflicting wills hadn't lasted forever.

A bitter laugh escaped his lips as another, darker voice whispered in a singsong fashion, _And your sanity didn't last forever, either._

From the cynical, pitiful chuckles sprung up sobs of loss, of feelings of abandonment, of pain.... Everything he'd ever wanted was never granted to him, and he wondered what he had done to piss someone up there off. He never heard the window of the smithy open, or the stealthy footsteps since he was so consumed in his own self-pity. Therefore, he was startled when he heard the voice.

"Who died?" a voice that sounded a lot like Jack's inquired lightly.

Slowly, Will raised his head up from his hands and stared through swimming vision at what he thought to be a hallucination. "Jack?" he questioned slowly, bringing up his right hand to Jack's chest, wanting to make sure that he was real, that he was truly here. That he had finally come back - for him.

"'At's me name, don't wear it out!" Jack chirped, not missing a beat. His careless, happy-go-lucky nature was the one thing that Will had missed the most about the multi-dimensional man. "So… where's yer lady-friend?"

Will was surprised by the underlying malice that the simple question carried, but let it slip. He quickly dried his tears and cleared his throat uncomfortably, self-conscious about his appearance. "First of all," he began, "what the hell are you doing here?"

Jack's eyes sparkled mischievously. "Would ye like me t'just up an' leave, then?"

"No!" Will cried, embarrassing himself. He awkwardly pretended to dust his trousers off, waiting silently as his heart calmed down. "No," he repeated quietly. "But you could get caught if you stay."

Jack grinned stupidly down at him, an annoying twinkle in his eye. "No they won't. After all, ye can't catch what ye don't know is there." Eyeing the spot next to him, Jack asked to sit down. Once he was comfortable - or as comfortable as one can get on a bale of hay - he began idle chitchat.

"Ye know," Jack commented off-handedly around an hour later, "I sure could use a good, loyal firs' mate on board m'ship."

"Isn't that Gibbs' spot?"

"Nah. He sleeps too much," Jack told him with a crooked grin. "'Sides, I'd much rather have good ol' dashing Will Turner," Jack commented, putting an arm around Will's shoulders.

Will sat there, digesting the information.

"So, what d'ye say?" Jack purred, leaning closer, so that their faces were inches apart. "Jus' think 'bout it," he went on, "the two of us, the Pearl, and the open ocean - forever. Unstoppable."

Will shook his head sadly. "Jack, don't you understand? There's no such thing as forever."

"No such thing as forever?" Jack mocked, apparently offended. "Well, the laws o' the world always bend fer me."

"Jack," Will said painfully. He had to explain to Jack that forever was just a dream created by some starry-eyed poet with his eye on some broad he was trying to woo. He had to explain that this was the real world, not some fairy tale land like he'd thought, before his innocent mind had been destroyed.

"Don't speak," Jack told him, holding a ringed finger up. "There is a such thing as forever, an' don't ye tell me there ain't!"

Will opened his mouth again to object, but was quickly silenced by Jack's lips swooping down onto his own, effectively shutting him up. Will sighed into Jack's mouth, savoring the taste of perfection. And in that moment, when his eyes were closed, Will discovered that forever _was_ real. Forever was Jack.

Breaking off and opening his eyes, Will smiled shyly and took Jack's hand. "Let's go. Forever."

And finally, Will was happy again - forever.

*~*~*~*

I know that sucked, but please don't hurt me! *whimpers*


End file.
